Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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