I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
