I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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