like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
