my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
