You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
