I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
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I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
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Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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