Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize