I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
