I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
