i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
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I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
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It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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