They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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