I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
