is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
