Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
