so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The best revenge is premature balding
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
