we made out on top of his cat.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
