I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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