are you still at the devil's house?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize