my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
