thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
