I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
