i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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