you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
