can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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