i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
