No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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