i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
