i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
