you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
