Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wear drunk well.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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