so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
