if i died would you start the facebook group?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
