I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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