remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Nicole vs. Life
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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