Your tits are I can't wait for
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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