this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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