im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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