Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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