Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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