Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
