I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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