I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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