honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
