Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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