Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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