Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
