i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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