I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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