I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
