dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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