he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
