there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
