cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
