I accidentally had phone sex last night
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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