I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
