You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
