Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
