ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
