last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
