Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
