i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
