He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
