How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
