I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
