Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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