the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
