i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
