Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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