Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
