Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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