he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
